Overgiving at Work? What It Really Costs Women in Business
Some women feel like family the moment they walk into the room. Alfina is one of them.
Alfina joined us at a ThoseSisters retreat, and she has since stepped into the Rich Lady Revolution with so much honesty and heart. She is also one of our co-authors, which means her story sits right alongside ours in the book, and we are so proud to share her with you.
In this Beyond the Book series, we sit down with the women who contributed to the book to go beyond the chapter and into the woman behind it. Alfina, thank you for trusting us with your story. Grab a cuppa, and let’s get into it.
Alfina Lofaro is one of the 10 incredible women who co-authored Di’s sixth book, The Rich Lady Revolution: The Embodied Era. Earlier this year, she joined us at one of our retreats, turning up in her comfiest, most creased clothes and promising herself she’d play full out. She’s also, quite literally, part of how ThoseSisters began.
Thirteen years ago, long before we were coaching anyone, Di walked into a personal development workshop as a shy woman who wasn’t sure she belonged. Alfina was the coach assigned to her. Di walked out of that weekend knowing she wanted to be the woman on the stage. So when Alfina came on The Rich Lady Revolution podcast this week, it felt like a homecoming.
What she shared about overgiving at work stopped us in our tracks.
Quick Answer: Overgiving at work means consistently giving more time, energy and expertise than you receive in return. It often shows up as exhaustion, resentment, strained relationships and lost self-respect. The way out starts with repairing your relationship with yourself: keeping the promises you make to yourself and surrounding yourself with people who fill your cup.
What did overgiving cost her?
For nearly a decade, Alfina gave everything to a personal development company. She was one of their top coaches, and one of the lowest paid, with three university degrees behind her.
Her two closest friends walked away in the same week. She regained 40 kilograms. She hated the woman in the mirror. And the part that hurt most was realising she had allowed it.
In her chapter, she writes, “I had spent 10 years helping other people step into their power while quietly abandoning my own.” We read that line and felt it in our bodies. So many of the women we work with have lived some version of it.
When Alfina finally left, she carried the shame of staying too long. Then she came to Di’s last book launch, planning to sit quietly up the back. Di spotted her, brought her up on stage and told the room, “This was one of my first coaches. She’s the reason I wanted to do this.” Alfina says something healed in her that day.
Her turning point came down to one question. If I chose that, then I could choose something else.
Why does your relationship with yourself come first?
Alfina wanted the money she’d sacrificed for years. But when she muscle tested herself, the answer was clear. It wasn’t money. It was her relationship with herself.
So she set herself a new goal: become someone she genuinely enjoyed spending time with. Within 12 weeks, friends were texting after catch-ups to say how good it felt to be around her.
Her secret is simple. She doesn’t break promises to herself anymore. She said she’d write a book, and she did. She says she’ll go to the gym, and she goes. Every kept promise is a little deposit of self-trust.
If this is landing for you, the Rich Lady Revolution Membership is where we go deeper into Self Belief with women who get it: https://www.those2sisters.au/membership
What happened at the retreat?
Alfina grew up as one of four competitive sisters, so she’d always seen women together as quiet competition. If she celebrated you, it somehow made her smaller.
At our retreat, she admitted she rushes through everything, even her showers. In, out, next thing. The next morning, bath salts appeared anonymously on her bed. It was Tash, another woman in the room, who had quietly listened and simply wanted to give.
“That’s sisterhood,” Alfina told us. Then she paid it forward, sitting with Tash and typing while she talked until her chapter finally flowed.
This is why we do what we do. Belonging without competition. Watching women like Alfina and Tash lift each other up is our favourite part of every retreat.
Who is the richest woman in the room?
Alfina asks the question at the heart of the Rich Lady Revolution. What if the richest person in the room has the richest relationships, not the most money?
Everything is a relationship: your health, your money, your business and, above all, yourself.
When you get good at relationships, you get a rich life.
You can read Alfina’s full story in Chapter 9 of The Rich Lady Revolution: The Embodied Era.
Curious where your own energy is going? Take her free Relationship Quiz or visit alfinalofaro.com.
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